Random thoughts.....on marriage

The other day I was showing my 'other half' my new blog. He though it was fabulous. His only comments was "what about me?"

It seems I didn't mention enough about him in my ABOUT ME section. And besides me telling him it's not about you, it's supposed to be about me, it got me thinking. Am I really so independent in our marriage that he more or less falls somewhere behind me, the boys, my work, my schooling, my job, my hobbies? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that, yes, he bobs around way in the background, hardly noticed, except when he pipes up and says "what about me?"

I don't know why this is. Maybe years of being single, I didn't get married until I was 33. Maybe from being raised in a single parent family, where there was only one adult/parent, all the time, it was normal. It strikes me that we are both single parents living in the same home. Is that weird? It seems to work for us.

I remember telling my mother once that I thought the perfect marriage arrangement would be where a couple owned a duplex, she lived in one side, he lived in the other and they co-habited for carnal pleasures when the mood struck, the kids lived wherever. I feel like I am living a self fulfilling prophecy and I'm not sure it's a good thing. Of course, I'm not entirely sure it's a bad thing either.

I'm a very non dependent type. I like being alone, I don't need a lot of nurturing and companionship, at least I don't think I do. In fact, the only time this type of stuff pushes itself to the front of my thought process is when someone else asks "what about me?"

This brings up another dependent marital relationship type thing. The whole "I not allowed to do that.", or "I'll have to ask if I can first." We are all adults, we are all in charge of our destinies. Why as an adult do I have to ask if I can do something. In turn, why would I expect another adult to ask me if they could do something. It's bad enough that 2 children must ask me repeatedly to do anything, including going pee. Don't get me wrong, once a decision is made, it shows consideration if you tell me about it, but don't ask me and I won't ask you. I shake my head at my husband's friends who say things like "J**** won't let me do that." Won't LET you? No, I don't understand it and will never let that permeate my marriage.

Oh and just so we all know, and so some insecurities are squelched...I am married to Mike, the father of my 2 boys. We have been together for almost 15 years, married for almost 8. We are happily sorta married. Two independent souls raising 2 independent souls all living in the same house. We love each other even though neither of us says it all the time. We make sure we say it to our children all the time though, we don't really want them to wind up like we are, or more to the point, I don't want them winding up the way I did. Mike's okay, but I think I'm wearing him down.